Masquerade
by AuteurDeLaPaix
Summary: I think I did this a bit more on movie canon than the book (although I enjoy the book greatly). But yeah, this is just Calcifer and Sophie putting a stop to Howl's shifting to a bird monster. This is after the war is over.


If only she could see, the war had ended but that hadn't meant he stopped his masquerade as a bird monster. There was corruption that still ran throughout the land, had he felt it was his job to put some sort of end to it? Howl wasn't sure, all he knew was that changing back hurt his body so much more than it should have. It disgusted him that he had continued on like this but this was when he was strongest, he let out a small sigh and grown as he morphed back into his more civil form.  
"You don't have to do that anymore," spoke the fire demon softly. Howl would have jumped out of his skin if he hadn't been used to the blue flame that hovered around the castle regularly. "It's not healthy, Howl. What is so important that makes you do that, again?" his words crackled as he said them, if words could be seen, his would crack and splinter like the embers he was. The two usually conversed but Howl did not wish to speak to the other, for he knew he would be scolded with sarcastic comments that would only make his ears burn with embarrassment as he was clearly being chastised.  
Howl shot the other a look and ran a pale hand over his arm. No feathers. The change had been quicker than most but it had still been painful. Changing back was like some sort of force, something he had to endure and push through even if the feeling of feathers residing pinched his skin and burned the flaming surface. It always hurt no matter which way you put it. "Not now Calcifer," he sighed. "Send up hot water for my bath-"  
"No, Howl. You can't be doing this, what about Sophie?" Calcifer cut in to the other's obvious dissatisfaction. It was definitely like Howl to push the important things to the back of his mind so he didn't have to worry about them. It was a quality that irritated the both of them, undoubtedly. Howl briefly thought back to the woman he loved; he could only pray silently that she was sleeping in the comfort of her room and couldn't hear the exchange between the two.  
The wizard shot the other an annoyed glance and turned on his heel, his patterned jacket making a loud swishing noise as he went upstairs. He didn't want to talk to Calcifer, probably because deep down he knew the other was right even if he didn't wish to admit it.  
"You can't escape this, Howl!" the fire demon cautioned with a tone of annoyance. But even he kept his voice down, as he did not want to give Howl away even if the two were clashing. It was amazing that Calcifer felt any loyalty to Howl, even if the sense was much stronger with Sophie. "I'm tired of covering for you-"  
"Hush!" Howl's hands tightly clenched the banister as he had tried to ascend the stairs. "I don't want to hear another word!" his head whipped around quickly to send a sharp glare at the other before his pace quickened to his bathroom.  
Calcifer sighed and glanced at Sophie's door with a melancholic expression. "I'm so sorry..." he crackled in the way a dying fire would, as if it were to gutter out like a candle. That's certainly what it felt like for the fire demon. Yes, Howl was very much moody but he needed someone to tell him that he couldn't run around doing the things he used to do. Not only did he have an apprentice, he had someone who loved him truly. Beast and all.

Sophie rose to her feet in the middle of the night, her gaze locked on the door as she could hear heavy bouts of shuffling from beyond it. She wasn't sure who it was, she could only assume that it was Howl and if so, he was coming late far too often to her overwhelming distress. She closed her hand over the knob and quietly opened the door a smidge to get a good glance at the scene that stretched before her. Howl was there alright but he was masquerading as a bird monster once again. She bit her lower lip and her grip on the doorknob tightened. Sophie swallowed thickly and inched back as his head turned to meet her eyes. She could see his clearly, even behind the mess of black feathers strewn about his body. They were of the purest shade of azure like the skies over Ingary on a clear summer day. To see him as this beast made her stomach churn and lurched even further as he stepped towards her.  
Howl could see the fear in her gray eyes as she glanced at him. Horror was something he didn't like to see from her. It disturbed him deeply and he stumbled towards her as his feet seemed to trip over invisible objects that were scattered across the room, but there was no such thing. He could hear the crackle of Calcifer's flames as he loomed above Howl, just out of Sophie's sight. "Sophie…" his voice came huskily and forced as if he were restraining himself. He squeezed his eyes shut and willed himself to turn back. He tried not to screech in pain as the feeling of feathers drawing back into his skin or being ripped from him overtook his body. Sharp waves of pain and distress made him wince and cringe, he let out a small grunt. It seemed so insignificant but the pain that it voiced truly inside of him was remarkable.  
"What are you doing?" her voice came in a hushed tone and she ran to him. She couldn't put this off any longer. She threw her arms around his neck and buried her face in his chest. What a foolish man he was, unable to see the importance of the woman that embraced him so tenderly.  
Howl sighed and placed his hands firmly on her back in waist in an odd yet protective hug. He couldn't speak, his throat felt tight and he wished he could dispel this meeting yet no such blessing would come to him. Besides, Sophie was all the blessing he needed. "I was fighting—"  
"What is there to fight!?" her grip on his shirt grew even more tightly and she could feel hot tears well up into her eyes. She didn't dare blink or they would cascade down her cheeks. She couldn't believe this ludicrous suggestion he had thrown out.  
"Sophie," he began, "This war may be over but there is still corruption and evil—"  
"That doesn't concern you!" she cut in; trembling.  
The wizard sighed and stroked her hair, "Sophie, I do these things to protect you. I stop things that could hurt you. Our family. Us."  
She pulled back from the hug and folded her arms across her chest in what she hoped to be an annoyed pose. It had the desired effect but Howl could still see her knees tremble from the ripples in her lavender nightgown. He sighed once more and ran a hand through his hair; it was covered in soot and fresh ashes. He looked down at his attire and noticed that he was covered in scorch marks and the stench that clung to him was terrible. He then took note of the dust that had taken over Sophie's front after their embrace.  
"I see," she mumbled disbelievingly. "You need to stop, Howl! You can't run around doing this."  
"Sophie—"  
"Don't you dare 'Sophie' me! You've done that far too many times in this conversation as it is! There you go again, always acting like you're right for doing what you do! Yes, Howl Pendragon, we all know you are the most noblest and chivalrous of men, always willing to do what is right!"  
Her words were hollow compliments and cut like the sharpest dagger through him. If it hurt him, he could hardly fathom nor try and comprehend how Sophie was feeling. He had said they would stay together after all this madness yet here he was, just satisfying his bloodlust. It wasn't exactly that though. Howl did leave to terminate things that could prove harmful to them but many times Howl just wanted to leave and take his own courses of actions. He couldn't be doing this anymore, as Calcifer had said. But even as this realization coursed through the wizard, he didn't want to fully accept it due to his own stubbornness. "I won't but… think about my point of view." _No matter how selfish it is_ he thought with utter contempt.  
"Oh I'm sorry!" she sighed before taking into account the thoughts that swarmed through his mind. All were idiotic and frivolous to say the least, yet there was a tone of seriousness and sincerity that clung to it. "Howl…" she swallowed thickly as if trying to carefully lay out her words before him. "Just… please…" it wasn't much to say but she took to it anyways.  
Calcifer watched this all unfold. Howl was basically digging his own grave with the woman and it made him cringe. He stilled himself as to not make too much noise, as his own curiosity to see the end result took the best of him.  
"Sophie, it's for everyone's best interest. I can't—"  
"Is it some sort of sense of responsibility?" she asked frowning. "Howl, you don't have to risk your life anymore, it's fine. Just stop, please." Sophie shot him a pleading glance and squeezed her hands together out of nerves.  
"Sophie—"  
She didn't need to hear him speak; she already knew the answer to her plea. No. He would not stop. Sophie swallowed thickly and brushed past him as he outstretched a hand to grab her. She shook him off and went outside as the castle soared through Ingary's skies. Where it would be the colour of Howl's eyes, it was a deep shade of indigo-black, perhaps like ink. Like Howl when he masqueraded as a crow demon. The cold hair impacted her chest and dashed throughout her lungs in ragged breaths. She sighed and put her hand delicately on one of the rails. She could hear Calcifer and Howl argue about something but what about was out of her concern or grasp. Howl could do whatever he wanted; it was a fact she had to accept. No matter how strong their 'love', Howl hadn't changed all that much. Yes, his manners had grown more loving and gentle but he could be fraternizing with women beyond her line of sight for all she knew. The thought of that made her tremble once more and she tucked her hair to one side out of nerves. She fingered it absentmindedly as pessimistic thoughts overtook her.  
Howl hadn't completely followed her out, he stood at the threshold hand reclined his form against hit. His shoulders were stiff and tense as he knew that there was no talking himself out of this one. Sophie had always stood at the sidelines in a way; he had always refused her permission to fight and practice magic. Oh yes, Sophie knew magic despite the fact it hadn't been welcomed in her household. Howl had never really taught her anything and all she knew she had picked up on her own. He had never realized that she didn't like being defenseless, that she was tired of Howl always protecting and patronizing her as if she were some small child that one must have been gentle with. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair once more. He didn't dare speak out of turn as he contemplated his next move. He had already dug himself a deep enough hole.  
Sophie didn't dare turn around but she sensed Howl's presence. He was, in a way, a part of her. She had calmed him down before and held him back when no one else could yet it seemed she could not sway his mind in this instance.  
"I… I'll stop…" his words were silent. Nothing more than a murmur, really. But upon the utterance of them, she let out a small smiled and let a tear roll down her cheek. She had just been concerned; she didn't want him to be mortally wounded in battle. That had been her main worry about the wizard. She was just frightened about losing him. But Howl was strong, but she remembered him confessing to her about his fear of Madame Suliman.  
Sophie didn't say anything nor did she turn around. She didn't need to, for Howl came up behind her and locked his arms around her waist and pulled her closely to his chest. Sophie smiled softly at the gesture and lifted a hand to touch his cheek. She couldn't even bear the thought of losing him. "I just want you safe…" Sophie sighed.  
"I won't do that again," Howl said solemnly while squeezing her waist playfully.

But that in itself wasn't entirely true. He wouldn't do it for the time being. But in times of war, all bets were off.


End file.
